Tea Time with Mayra: Avoidants + Relationships
Hi there,
Today's topic is focused on getting a glimpse of avoidant people in relationships.
When we hear “avoidant attachment,” most of us immediately think commitment issues, emotional walls, or cold and distant. But the truth is, avoidant attachment isn’t all bad. In fact, it can be both really helpful and, at the same time, a big roadblock in our relationships.
Why It Can Be Helpful
Avoidant attachment usually starts as a form of protection. Somewhere along the way, someone learned: If I don’t rely too much on others, I won’t get hurt. That coping skill can actually create independence, confidence, and the ability to stay calm in stressful situations. People with avoidant tendencies are often the ones who can hold it together when life feels chaotic. They’re steady, resourceful, and not easily thrown off balance.
Where It Gets Tricky
But here’s the flip side: those same walls that protect can also keep people out.
With friends, it might mean always being the “listener” but never opening up yourself.
With a partner, it can feel like you’re close… but not that close. Your partner may feel shut out, even when you care deeply.
With parents or family, it might look like keeping conversations surface-level to avoid getting too emotional.
With children, it can unintentionally create distance—they may sense the emotional wall even if you love them fiercely.
Finding Balance
Having an avoidant style doesn’t mean you’re doomed to struggle in relationships. It just means closeness can feel uncomfortable at times. The good news? You don’t have to tear the walls down all at once. Small steps—like sharing a little more of what’s really going on with you, letting someone help you, or simply staying present when emotions run high—can help build connection without losing your independence.
At the end of the day, avoidant attachment is just a story of protection. It once kept you safe. Now, the challenge is learning when to keep that armor on… and when it’s safe to put it down so love, trust, and connection can grow.
Reflection: Think about the people around you, who is worth the change?
Warmly,
Mayra