Tea Time with Mayra: Understanding Avoidant People

Hi there,

Welcome to Tea Time with Mayra—a cozy space where we slow down, sip something warm, and talk about the human experience. Today, let’s briefly explore something that shows up often in therapy: avoidant attachment.

Have you ever been told you're "too independent"? That you “don’t need anyone”? Maybe you’ve found yourself pulling away just when relationships start to feel close—or feeling overwhelmed when someone expects emotional openness from you. Or perhaps, have you noticed that you tend to avoid conflict, difficult conversations and emotions? If any of this sounds familiar, you might be navigating an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant attachment usually develops early in life when emotional needs weren't consistently met, or when being vulnerable didn’t feel safe. As a result, independence became a survival skill. Connection may still be deeply desired, but it often feels risky, confusing, or even exhausting. It becomes a risk- is it worth taking? Often times, avoidants deem it too high of a risk to take, so they avoid these subjects and situations, appearing distant, uncaring or isolating to others. 

In therapy, we don’t label or pathologize—we get curious. Avoidant behaviors are protective. They helped you cope at one point, and they deserve compassion. With time and support, you can begin to soften the walls and build safer, more fulfilling relationships—without abandoning your need for space. It's a challenge to help you make the hard decisions between protecting self or connecting with others.

Reflection: What are you protecting yourself from?

Warmly,

Mayra